FearMyFez
Registered User
- Joined
- Jan 22, 2022
- Messages
- 593
It’s apparent, to be an Auditor, the following are mandatory:
1) Uneducated. The lower education level, the better. A bachelors degree or higher automatically disqualifies you from living the life of an American freedom fighter.
2) Unemployed. Full time, gainful employment is out of the question. The occasional odd job is acceptable; anything, however, that offers full benefits, retirement, cafeteria plan, paid vacation, etc is completely out of the question.
3) Criminal. You’re joining a distinguished group of committed statesmen; a group of luminaries tasked with the responsibility of preserving and protecting the US Constitution. Many of these defenders of freedom have lengthy criminal records; featuring convictions such as failure to pay child support, kidnapping, assault and battery, rape and child molestation. Now that you share a common interest with rapists, sexual predators and child molesters, your felony convictions are finally paying off. In the event you haven’t achieved your full potential of becoming a convicted felon, misdemeanors are acceptable provided you meet ‘dead beat dad’ requirements (you’re probably ok).
4) Panhandle. You will be required to beg for money when you’re arrested, need gas money, lodging, food, clothes or help paying court ordered child support (haha, I kid…as if you ever intend on helping support your baby mama’s kid).
5) Remember the script. When you get arrested, which inevitably you will, you must follow this script: ‘This is an illegal arrest and you’re retaliating against me.’ Even when you’re convicted by a jury of your peers (as outlined in the document you’re fighting to protect), you’re still required to stick to the script.
6) Ignorant. You’ll be required to display a profound level of ignorance including, but not limited to, conflating probable cause and reasonable suspicion, having a complete misunderstanding of American government, including the three branches and the responsibilities of each, jurisprudence, no understanding of what the public forum doctrine is and the tenth amendment. Possessing even a limited amount of knowledge on any of these all but guarantees a short career as an auditor.
7) Dunning Krueger. Between your mandatory e begging sessions and playing make believe journalist, free time will be spent on watching other YouTube auditors and ‘learning the law.’ Remember: even though that police officer has been an officer for 20+ years, graduated the academy and constantly attends mandatory CEC, that elected judge has been on the bench for 15+ years or that city manager graduated *advertiser censored* laude from Harvard Law; you are the expert, not them. Having no formal training, education, degree, qualifications, license or experience is irrelevant. Most auditors become legal experts after watching their second or third YouTube video so you got this!
8) Parasitic attitude. This is pretty simple: you need to be an insufferable *advertiser censored*. This comes natural for most, if not all, auditors so #8 might as well say ‘remember to breath.’ However, be sure to turn it up a notch when dealing with women and the elderly (you’ll notice this during your YouTube law classes).
9) Liar. Like many other characteristics on this list, you won’t even have to try with this one. You can do this one in your sleep!
10) Hypocrisy. Remember: you are the one making sacrifices for your fellow Americans by recording people with the camera on your cell phone. You are the one holding government workers accountable when you hurl insults and encourage people to call bomb their offices. If it wasn’t for your heroic efforts, Americans wouldn’t enjoy many of their freedoms. So during your fight to preserve the first amendment and, by proxy, all rights guaranteed by the US Constitution, your efforts must be limited to your interpretation (remember, you are the expert). So, for example, when the US Supreme Court rules places such as libraries, city halls, child welfare services, etc. are non public forums, therefore allowing government to restrict all first amendment rights, they’re wrong. You see, it doesn’t matter that the document you set out to preserve, the US Constitution, grants federal courts powers to interpret amendments, laws, statutes, etc. It doesn’t matter that the 10th Amendment grants extraordinary powers to the states. It doesn’t matter that you delete or block people from practicing their right to free speech (by posting less than flattering comments on your YT channel). All of this doesn’t matter because it’s your interpretation of the constitution and you are the expert. So keep on fighting for everyone’s constitutional rights while at the same time blocking people for making mean and hurtful comments; it’s actions such as those that prove you’re deeply committed, sincere and objective when it comes to constitutional rights
1) Uneducated. The lower education level, the better. A bachelors degree or higher automatically disqualifies you from living the life of an American freedom fighter.
2) Unemployed. Full time, gainful employment is out of the question. The occasional odd job is acceptable; anything, however, that offers full benefits, retirement, cafeteria plan, paid vacation, etc is completely out of the question.
3) Criminal. You’re joining a distinguished group of committed statesmen; a group of luminaries tasked with the responsibility of preserving and protecting the US Constitution. Many of these defenders of freedom have lengthy criminal records; featuring convictions such as failure to pay child support, kidnapping, assault and battery, rape and child molestation. Now that you share a common interest with rapists, sexual predators and child molesters, your felony convictions are finally paying off. In the event you haven’t achieved your full potential of becoming a convicted felon, misdemeanors are acceptable provided you meet ‘dead beat dad’ requirements (you’re probably ok).
4) Panhandle. You will be required to beg for money when you’re arrested, need gas money, lodging, food, clothes or help paying court ordered child support (haha, I kid…as if you ever intend on helping support your baby mama’s kid).
5) Remember the script. When you get arrested, which inevitably you will, you must follow this script: ‘This is an illegal arrest and you’re retaliating against me.’ Even when you’re convicted by a jury of your peers (as outlined in the document you’re fighting to protect), you’re still required to stick to the script.
6) Ignorant. You’ll be required to display a profound level of ignorance including, but not limited to, conflating probable cause and reasonable suspicion, having a complete misunderstanding of American government, including the three branches and the responsibilities of each, jurisprudence, no understanding of what the public forum doctrine is and the tenth amendment. Possessing even a limited amount of knowledge on any of these all but guarantees a short career as an auditor.
7) Dunning Krueger. Between your mandatory e begging sessions and playing make believe journalist, free time will be spent on watching other YouTube auditors and ‘learning the law.’ Remember: even though that police officer has been an officer for 20+ years, graduated the academy and constantly attends mandatory CEC, that elected judge has been on the bench for 15+ years or that city manager graduated *advertiser censored* laude from Harvard Law; you are the expert, not them. Having no formal training, education, degree, qualifications, license or experience is irrelevant. Most auditors become legal experts after watching their second or third YouTube video so you got this!
8) Parasitic attitude. This is pretty simple: you need to be an insufferable *advertiser censored*. This comes natural for most, if not all, auditors so #8 might as well say ‘remember to breath.’ However, be sure to turn it up a notch when dealing with women and the elderly (you’ll notice this during your YouTube law classes).
9) Liar. Like many other characteristics on this list, you won’t even have to try with this one. You can do this one in your sleep!
10) Hypocrisy. Remember: you are the one making sacrifices for your fellow Americans by recording people with the camera on your cell phone. You are the one holding government workers accountable when you hurl insults and encourage people to call bomb their offices. If it wasn’t for your heroic efforts, Americans wouldn’t enjoy many of their freedoms. So during your fight to preserve the first amendment and, by proxy, all rights guaranteed by the US Constitution, your efforts must be limited to your interpretation (remember, you are the expert). So, for example, when the US Supreme Court rules places such as libraries, city halls, child welfare services, etc. are non public forums, therefore allowing government to restrict all first amendment rights, they’re wrong. You see, it doesn’t matter that the document you set out to preserve, the US Constitution, grants federal courts powers to interpret amendments, laws, statutes, etc. It doesn’t matter that the 10th Amendment grants extraordinary powers to the states. It doesn’t matter that you delete or block people from practicing their right to free speech (by posting less than flattering comments on your YT channel). All of this doesn’t matter because it’s your interpretation of the constitution and you are the expert. So keep on fighting for everyone’s constitutional rights while at the same time blocking people for making mean and hurtful comments; it’s actions such as those that prove you’re deeply committed, sincere and objective when it comes to constitutional rights
