Who is the world's toughest auditor? (Amongst auditors anyway)

[S.SaulGood]

Having spent most of my life as a professional practitioner and instructor of combat arts, I couldn't help but wonder about this, so if my question seems outside of the topic of 1st amendment auditing, given the nature of what most auditors really do, harassment, it's a valid question, IMO.

Many auditors seem all too eager, or at least they infer that they are, to go hands on. There's Ice Cold and the other two barking chihuahuas from Auditing America, screaming at cops, "Take off your gun and badge and I'll wipe the street with you". I've heard this rant from over a dozen different 1A auditors. Jack Miller typically does this also, except like Furry, SGV, and Pedo, the threats and challenges are mostly confined to badgering old women, old men, and obvious beta males. Half men. Half people. People that look like they've lost the will to live. People that will let the auditor basically have their way with them. Pacifists, God help them.

I haven't seen any example of otherwise. A video where one of their victims/targets/patsies they're badgering and harassing, has finally had enough and simply grabs them by the shoulder or wrist with a vice-like grip, or another of many typical extremely successful attitude adjustment techniques, and the audit comes an abrupt halt so feathers, loose change, and stray teeth that have become projectiles endangering anyone nearby, can be gathered from the ground. So I have no way of assessing any particular auditor's battle skills, since I've never seen any real and tangible engagement.

There's an old saying, "If EVERYTHING is the best, then NOTHING is the best". So I'm curious if this holds true for auditors. The great majority of them profess to be the "toughest man on earth". Is this the same case like the old adage where the answer to "which one IS the toughest" is, "None of them", as I strongly suspect"?
Serious question.

 

[stigsworth]

My vote is for Glenn Cerio. His leg sweeps are legendary. He once swept an entire box of a dozen glazed Krisp Kremes from the kitchen counter into a blender, the contents of which he consumed in sixty seconds flat, adding an additional six inches to his overhanging girth. If his leg sweeps don't work, he can bury your entire body in the crevice of his plumber's crack.

 

[S.SaulGood]

My vote is for Glenn Cerio. His leg sweeps are legendary. He once swept an entire box of a dozen glazed Krisp Kremes from the kitchen counter into a blender, the contents of which he consumed in sixty seconds flat, adding an additional six inches to his overhanging girth. If his leg sweeps don't work, he can bury your entire body in the crevice of his plumber's crack.

He'd need more bulk to defeat an opponent by trapping them underneath him, like some of the 700+ pound wrestlers have done to 200 pounders in some ridiculous bouts that should never have been sanctioned where the 700 pounder "wins" simply by laying on top of his opponent, rendering them unable to move.

Glenn's roughly a very sloppy 300 pounds, I would estimate, if he's of average height 5'8/5'9 or so as he looks to be.

From a purely physical standpoint, I assessed him in the "Glenn Cerio, the Octomom of the Octagon thread", I quote:

"Look at the "Cecil Turtle" posture. Fatso has to lean his torso back, his shoulders rotated back to try counterbalancing the ponderous weight of his belly, which unless he assumes that awkward posture, will pull him forward onto his fat, ugly, semi-mongoloid-like face. This forces him to crane his neck forward, I imagine to see the ground anywhere in the general vicinity of his feet, if he's able to at all see where he's planting those flat feet of his.

This craned, turtle-neck/head and weak receding chin are a hitter's dream target. You get two for one. The chin and throat with one blow. Where does one end and the other begin? lol

And, flapping, flat-flooted fatso here, who walks like a duck, and can't even get out of his own way, is the one challenging all comers to fight? "Take off that badge and gun and I'll be more than happy to scrap with you"? That's about right. Scraps. That's what would be left of him if your average 12 year old boy scrapped with him. ROFLMAO".
_____________________________

And to add, it's ironic he talks of "sweeping legs", his legs being a MAJOR weakness of his. His already partially hyper-extending his knees due to his ponderous front-loaded center of gravity, placing them in a very precarious position for devastating injury! Even a light forward strike directly to his "glass" knee(s) will cave them in, his own weight, gravity, and posture augmenting the effect of a blow.

As previously stated, this is NOT someone who should attempt instigating physical confrontations.

 

[TheOneTrueRobb]

Whisk Boy. Young, probably works out, has likely been in scraps in the past, given his general attitude .

 

[S.SaulGood]

Whisk Boy. Young, probably works out, has likely been in scraps in the past, given his general attitude .

Those little 6 inch wrists would splinter like sticks. Very fragile frame. Very soft. Absolutely no flex of a muscle perceptible whatsoever with movement and look at his FOREARMS and hands. Smooth. Tiny. This boy has NEVER done any kind of serious manual labor, which actually builds more strength and stamina than weight-room exercises for most because it develops the CONNECTIVE TISSUE. THAT'S where REAL FULLY-FUNCTIONAL power comes from. I see guys that can bench 550 and they can't swing a bat or strike as hard as the average guy. Some are so poorly conditioned that they're out of breath carrying a bag of groceries across the street.

The ability to generate power from ANY angle. Not just benching or pressing in ONE TRACK, ONE range of motion, but being able to generate equal power whether you're applying it to the side, to the front, , to behind you, from the floor, standing, hanging, etc.

Whisk Boy is no stronger than the average 135 pound young woman. His physique and tone are VERY similar; very feminine in nature, IMO.

 

[S.SaulGood]

Whisk Boy. Young, probably works out, has likely been in scraps in the past, given his general attitude .

Based only on what I've seen as to how they carry themselves, they're gait, they're physical attributes, force exhibited during routine tasks like opening weighted doors; just in genera; how they handle everyday objects around them,

Three of my top picks for "tougher than most auditors", not necessarily in order, would be:

Flex Your Freedoms
Ely
Jay Surreal

all three exhibiting an average to above average level of fitness. At least what I would EXPECT from a man.

Ice Cold would have been on the list until I saw how easily a 160 pound cop splayed him out on the ground and in another video he tried to sucker punch someone with an overhand looping right that missed the mark by quite a wide margin. Plus, he's north of 45 years of age and typically stoned.

 

[JpMayer80]

If we were to go by size I’d say SGV. I think whisk boy is a scrapper bc I have a feeling he got into ALOT of fights as a kid. I also think Asselmo is the weakest.

 

[S.SaulGood]

If we were to go by size I’d say SGV. I think whisk boy is a scrapper bc I have a feeling he got into ALOT of fights as a kid. I also think Asselmo is the weakest.

I excluded Jose McTits, the bellowing, bearded sow from contention due to videos I've seen where just walking or a very short jog impacts his wind.

I instruct trainees to neutralize conflict quickly. I'm a big believer in that. Bruce Lee was right when he abandoned more traditional fighting styles and formulated his own (JKD). Things were simply taking too long and the longer they take, the more the combatant's level of conditioning becomes a major factor. Because of that, I wouldn't include anyone on the list whose respiration rises to 30 bpm with mild to moderate exertion. Gas starts to become a serious issue.